Despite it being the school holidays, we were delighted to be able to get out an even Mightier 4th team. All we needed was a leader. Our usual skipper, the Tankmeister, was celebrating his birthday standing in baking hot queues at Legoland, pretending he was enjoying himself. Up stepped Skinner, who had left himself out of the Mighty 3s for their crucial league game.
And we had a strong side too. All we needed was some opposition. Chislehurst and West Kent CC were looking for opponents. A historic and well run club. They sounded perfect. Their main ground is picturesque and conveniently situated for several nice pubs. Their spare ground is at Petts Wood, a pretty decent pitch, where incidentally, 40 odd years ago your match reporter made his highest score of 96 and there was a girl playing tennis on the adjoining courts, who he still remembers.
Chislehurst were insisting on a home game for their occasional 5th team. What could go wrong?
It transpires we were not at either of those grounds but at Avery Hill Park. Still, what indeed could go wrong?
Guttsy had done some good research and found parking. Locating the pitch was trickier. It was an astroturf strip, with added undulations.
The boundary line was marked. And just about visible if you had the eyes of a hawk.
The promised changing facilities were non-existent. Displays of public indecency followed, but more of those later.
As our team were arriving in dribs and drabs we agreed to bat.
The opposition were a nice bunch, mainly Uni Students. They started with 9 but with a few phone calls made it to 11.
The batting order was based on time of arrival. Guttsy was there first, so naturally went 1. Salsbury, still in emotional shock after his chauffeur repeatedly played Pink Pony Club at full volume on the journey up, went in with him.
After facing the first two balls Guttsy expressed doubt that the pitch was 22 yards. Your match reporter can pace out yards accurately and indeed we were playing on a 20 yard pitch.
The stumps were the temporary sort that sit in a tray, so were easily moved back a yard at each end. But that meant we now had a popping crease one foot closer to the stumps than usual. And an extra line across the pitch. There were no bails.
The opposition had one rapid bowler who tried to bounce us out, although it might not have been intentional. Our openers stood their ground and bravely saw it off. Salsbury, at nearly 8ft tall, used his height well. One hook for 4 will last long in the memory.
Guttsy went first, clean bowled for 9 by one that swung and did not bounce. Adam Church strode in at 3. He looks a very useful cricketer and hit 5 good boundaries in his 25.
Ludders had arrived early, in the Pink Pony Club car, and was in next. He hit a nice boundary and showed some good shots before being bowled for 5.
Evan Hutchins, with his Steve Smith open stance, joined Joe in the middle. The opposition bowling was not bad at all but the pair were untroubled and kept the score going along. The outfield was rapid.
The outfield was invaded by three lads on motorbikes at one point.
One good thing about the hot weather was that the dog faeces was dessicated.
Evan was caught behind for an excellent 38. Freddie was also caught, but without scoring.
Salsbury was eventually bowled for a magnificent 43.
Ted Gagg looked excellent for his 19. He was though disporting a very large hole in his trousers in the groin area. It was clearly an attempt to attract the attention of local fillies. Fortunately the police accepted his story that it was accidental and have confirmed that charges will not be brought.
Tom Gagg got a swift 9. Hollis was bowled for a duck.
George Gagg was in at 10. He couldn’t be shifted although it is of some doubt whether he made contact with his bat during his innings.
The stand in skipper was down at 11. One back foot drive though the covers went for 4 but later, running a second made him feel his hamstring. When his partner called him for a second the following ball, following an overthrow, he didn’t fancy sprinting or stretching and was run out for 6 by a direct hit.
Gagg senior unbeaten on 0.
All out in the last over for a decent 207
Tea was taken under some trees. No drinks were available but Skinner had brought extra fluids and then made an emergency dash to the cafe for more.
Oscar opened the bowling from the far end. The run up was a dust bowl and holes would appear regular to entrap the unwary.
He induced the opener to drive at one that flew high into the air. George Gagg nonchalantly moved from gully and safely took a great catch.
He didn’t manage to hold onto a sharp chance later that over but his fielding was committed and excellent thoroughout the innings. Indeed when the youngsters didn’t quite perform to the highest standards they were berated with “Well George Gagg would have caught/stopped it”. That seemed to annoy them, especially his two lads, so naturally it was said even more.
Hollis showed his advancing age by getting a bad back and coming off after 4 overs. One for 17.
Tom Gagg was bowling well but the oppo were a strong batting side. 6 overs for 56 (the scoring in this innings was slightly questionable)
Hutchins replaced the aged Hollis and got the other opener. A good catch by Adam Church.
The number 4, a hospital doctor and lovely bloke, was a class player. When their umpires were being very harsh with wides, he promptly called for them to be replaced. He reached a fine 50 and retired.
Adam Church bowled really well without luck. 4 overs for 35.
Ted Gagg got some pace and movement in his 3 overs. 23 runs.
Guttsy bamboozled the batsmen a few times but couldn’t get the breakthrough. 3.4 overs for 30.
The fielding was pretty good with Gagg senior the standout. It’s lovely when parents are reliable. But not all are. Hollis senior was watching the match and agreed to keep us updated on the third team game. When asked by the skipper for an update he admitted his battery was flat. Patton senior was at Hadlow watching the 3rd team game and had promised to provide regular updates. He did to start with and then wholly failed to carry on, leaving the match reporter stressed and anxious.
The opposition got home comfortably by 8 wickets with about 12 overs to spare.
After a nice shower we joined the opposition in their clubhouse. Well we would have done, had either been available.
It’s not the worst pitch I have played on in 46 years of senior cricket but it’s in the top two.