After the washout the weekend before a refreshingly green looking green greeted the eyes of the players who arrived on time. A bit of moisture in the pitch, might do a bit some said. Sun’s out bat first, not enough there to bowl first some said. Doesn’t matter I said, I will lose the toss anyway, good one to lose. Handshakes with the opposition skipper, pleasantries exchanged, “what’s that…you don’t have an umpire and forfeit the toss?”. “we will boooooooo…..aaaaaattt first please”. Decisive as ever.

With a delayed start due to their team being stuck in traffic and our opening batsman stuck in bed it was the usual pair of Lewis and Noel striding out to the middle to open up the innings and after a steady first over we were 3/0. Then the fireworks began from….Noel? Hang on rewind the footage a little, please can we check that? Well unless someone has messed up the scoring we had raced to 21/0 from 4 overs with Noel on 20 (from 17) and Lewis on 1 (from 7).

Over 5 and Lewis has had enough of Noel. A quick bat change and the first of many lost balls and Lewis has gone from 1 from 7 balls to 17 from 12 with Noel languishing at the other end on 21, starved of the strike. Over 6 and a massive, massive 6 from Lewis clearing the houses. Anyone fancy knocking on the door? Pep? Please? It was your bat after all. Second new ball and an actual new ball despite it being the 6th over much to the wily fox Noel’s dismay. With a new new ball, Lewis using Pep / Jason Roy’s bat and Lewis having clocked up at least 4 hours sleep with his late arrival, urgent calls were being made to the Chairman to check the club’s insurance limits.

After a couple of tricky overs thanks to the skipper throwing the opposition a new new ball we sat at 54/0 from 7 with the skipper watching anxiously knowing the barrage of abuse that would be coming his way if a wicket were to fall now. Thankfully Lewis then went nuts. Bang. “Don’t bowl there son” came the calls from the lads on a midday pub crawl. Next over, new bowler on, and another 12 runs in the bag for Lewis. Over 10 and another new bowler and there is Lewis’ 50 from only 34 balls and we close the first 10 overs 85/0 with Noel on 25 at the other end with a dizzying strike rate of 100. What. A. Start.

At this point the captain has his feet up regaling tails to anyone that would listen about how the team wanted to bowl first but he overruled them backing his opening batsmen. Did I forget to mention it was my idea to give the opposition a second new ball too? Over 11 and a lovely late cut from Noel for 4 followed by a sublime square drive for 4 followed immediately by a late cut for 4. 97/0 from 11 and the captain is a genius. Sadly over 13 saw Lewis fall to a sharp caught and bowled much to the relief of the Chairman, the insurers, the neighbours, the ball manufacturers and his dog Arlo. 104/1. Not a bad start.

Joe was in at 3, joining Noel who was batting superbly and on 38 from 34 balls, and was off the mark first ball with a squirty edge through the slips for 4. Over 14 and a quick single to Noel that the opposition inexplicably wangs to the opposite boundary for a lovely 5 runs followed by a 4 over point to Joe. We are flying. 2 more 4s for Joe to end the over including a glorious on drive.

With the oppos spinners now on at both ends they put a couple of decent overs together resulting in Joe nicking a decent ball to first slip and was gone for 17 from 10 which brought the family pharmaceutical giant of Johnston & Johnston together, Benj striding out with his new bat fresh off a 100 on Sunday and with the score on 126/2 in the 17th over. Father and son then went about just enjoying some quality time together really, rotating the strike, some nice little chats in the middle, asking about plans for the weekend etc etc taking us to the drinks break with an assured score of 143/2. Lovely.

After catching up on all Noel’s news Benj crushed his 21st ball for a glorious 6 back over the bowlers head. That bat sounds fantastic but not another lost ball surely? Please? At least the captain hadn’t put away all of the spares 1 ball earlier. Benj is motoring now. 4 through mid wicket, followed by a lovely square cut for 4 followed by a carbon copy of a 6 back over the bowlers head and in a flash he had moved to 38 from 29 balls and crucially no lost balls. Over 25 and with a lovely nudge down the ground Noel brings up a very well earned 50 from 68 balls, just what the team needed, putting us on 173/2 from 25.

Another 6 then 4 from Benj followed by a single and that was his 50 from only 40 balls. A superb knock and after 30 overs we found ourselves at 201/2. What a lovely position to be in. Noel fell in the 33rd over to a caught and bowled looking to accelerate having made a fantastic 50 from 87 balls setting up a platform for a big score. Milo was out next with a license to thrill joining Benj who was on 64 from 55 balls. Milo did not disappoint racing to 21 from only 12 balls before doing what he does best, getting run out. Was it Benj’s fault? Possibly and certainly not helped by the slip but with 3 run outs now this season fingers are being pointed.

Westy in next with the score on 230/4 with 5.1 overs remaining. Could we get to 300? No but we got close. Westy tried his best to get caught but crucially didn’t and finished on a valuable16 not out from 10 balls while Benj fell selflessly at the end of the 37th over for a beautiful 76 from 66 balls. Top knock. Pep closed the innings out with Westy chalking up a trademark checked on drive for 6 (with Jason Roy’s bat) falling on the final ball of the innings for a score of 22 from 14 bringing to a close a truly superb batting performance with every batsman making a significant contributions. Special mentions of course to Lewis (55 from 43), firstly for arriving, and secondly for an absolute rocket of a start. Noel (59 from 88) for also giving us a rocket of a start and for holding the innings together and Benj (76 from 66) for playing a top quality knock throughout. What can we all learn from this I hear you ask? Well, I for one have learned that 1. I am an excellent decision maker at the toss 2. I am an excellent decision maker when it comes to spare balls and 3. If we score over 250, 3 batsmen get 50+ and all batsmen make a contribution it takes forever to write a match report.

Quick team talk done, something about champagne and something else, not sure, and it is all about focus. Nothing is won yet. As usual Lushy was bowling from the horse and Jon from the house and it was a very tidy start from both, both hitting good lines and lengths. It was Lushy who took the first wicket with the second ball of the 7th over with the batsmen playing on. Jimbo number 9 was in in the act next over closing out a wicket maiden with a sharp catch from the unnamed legend behind the stumps. 22/2 from 8 overs. Great start

Despite bowling well their left handed opener played some decent shots. With Lewis bowling down the hill and Pep now up the hill we could do with getting him out. Pep, into his second over now, a swing and a miss from their left hander, another wing and a miss, both balls going across the batsman. Next ball, good length swinging in slightly, nipping off the seem and that is his off stump gone. Beauty! 59/3. At the other end their number 4 had not played 1 shot until, on the 3rd ball of Lewis’ 2nd over, from nowhere, he decided to play a reverse scoop of all shots. As one we all watched the ball slowly loop off his pad, landing short of gully scratching our heads searching for a way to understand what had just happened. A few moments passed with puzzled glances being exchanged across the team, before Lewis politely enquired “how is that please Jerry”. Jerry’s index finger was already rigid inside his pocket and with the team all still contemplating what on earth had just happened the finger was raised before Lewis could finish the question. Very odd. 59/4.

It wasn’t long before the 5th wicket fell. Pep again this time going with the tricky knee height full toss which the opposition batsman top edged into his helmet high high into the sky. The nick on the helmet added a high level of complexity to what many would have seen as a simple catch. The good news was the UK was underneath it. 61/5 and that would be drinks, which the legend of the captain had prepared before the innings only to learn that the opposition had drunk most of them.

5 more wickets to get and it was Pep again with a lovely inswinger to the right hander taking the top of off and with a change of bowling at the horse end Milo struck in his first over clean bowling their number 7 to leave the oppo 83/7 after 23 overs. Pep then struck again with a ball full of length that the batsman edged for a regulation slip catch. 103/8. Oh no sorry, I should say a regulation slip catch for anyone other than Alex Lush whose legs collapsed underneath him as his arms flailed in the air to palm it up for the ever aware UK to snaffle. Wasn’t he supposed to be at gully anyway?

A period of time then passed with us all questioning what was happening and wondering if we were still playing cricket or if heat stroke had taken over and it was Lushy and Joe who closed the innings in the 37th and 38th over respectively. Alex put down a full straight one to bowl their number 10 and then Joe had their number 11 caught very nicely by Pep at mid off, bowling to a field that included roughly 8 fielders on the leg side, which may or may not be against the rules. Who knew?

It was a fine bowling effort holding the opposition to 129 with contributions from every bowler. Pep lead the line with 4 wickets for 29 from his 9 overs including 2 maidens. Lushy chipped in with 2 for 23 from 8 (4 maidens). Jon took 1 for 24 from 6, Lewis 1 for 13 from 4 (1 maiden), Milo 1 for 33 from 7 (1 maiden) and Joe 1 for 8 from 4. A fine effort with bat and ball and a very very good win.

What can we take away from this? Well apparently there might be a rule on how many fielders you can have on the legside, their number 4 cannot reverse scoop and if you have 6 bowlers who all take wickets, 3 batsmen who get scores of 50+, we score over 250 and restrict the opposition to less than half of that most people will stop reading the match report well before the end because it is so massive. Many thanks to anyone who has read this far. Next week we play someone else at either our ground or theirs. Let’s smash them.