Twas the night before Bidborough,
And all through the village,
Eyes on a home win,
Not narrow , but pillage.

The sky was overcast,
And the wicket uncovered,
“ Where the f*** was Barker?”
The upper order muttered.

Leave Simon alone!
He’s got enough on his mind!
With two grounds to manage,
And a new mower to find.

Success at the toss,
David! Two from two,
We stuck ‘em in to bat,
Eat your heart out Sandhu.

Charlie from the top end,
And with a hell of a grunt,
Trapped their opener on the pads,
The useless devil!

The wickets then tumbled,
And the run rate slowed,
Then out walked Dan Paige,
Their aggressive little toad.

Now protein shake met ego,
Of forces untold,
Until Lucky nipped one in,
And removed middle his middle pole

And there were the visitors,
Sat at 23-3,
As the fielders on all cylinders,
Buzzed around with glee

The top began to harden,
But bowling efforts unfazed,
Until the middle order rescinded,
And they all walked off dazed.

Milo worked hard,
With a spell at each end,
Then Benj over pitching,
What a really crap friend

Economical as hell,
Milo went for very few,
“ Step back ump you old git!”
Lord Henslow’s coming through

Batters 7,8 and 9,
Had very little to say,
But Pep through a few wides in,
To let them get underway

Lew Bedwell returns,
With a girlfriend 3 years his elder,
Police investigations ongoing,
For where exactly he’s held her

Then Charlie came back,
For a superb second stint,
Which earned him a fifer,
Lushy please take the hint

We walked into tea,
With a smile on our face,
No wrap dramas this week,
He’s in Tenerife with Trace

Chasing 130,
Since we bowled them all out,
We needed to be sensible,
Some finesse not all clout

We couldn’t have expected
Literally any thing more
With Shuttsy and Benj
Departing with a low score

Frogbox is genius,
“I’m on YouTube, hi Mum!”
But the novelty dwindles,
When you realise you’re plumb

And once again came Luxton,
Swinging straight from the hip,
Almost worth the return,
On their 30 quid train trip

They’re London boys now!
Just him and Will Terry,
So they trek back to Victoria
All pissed and all smelly

But back in the village,
It was all kicking off,
Because a few more quick wickets,
And out walked the toff

He didn’t hang around,
With Barry giving him the finger,
Outside the line he thought,
Hence the drawn-out linger

But gradually we knocked them off,
Unconvincing it must be said,
As Chaz bought up another fifty,
I want you in my bed

A right result for the Bears that day,
And Westy a great job at the top,
I’d bin off that mullet if I’m honest though James,
You look like a prepubescent mop

2 from 2 kicking off the season,
Achieved with somewhat ease,
But as for Tez, Terlecki and Marky S,
That’ll be £10 please

Benjamin Johnston aged 11