1st XI v Farningham

The 1s, looking to make it 3 wins on the trot, welcomed Farningham to the Green.

There were a couple of changes to the side this week. Will Terry was unavailable as he had to collect a runners up award for his Sunday football side. In came the club’s latest overseas, in the form of Joe Griffin. Interesting fact about Joe, he has 3 eyebrows and one of them is above his lip. Lucas Brookman, had overdosed on babybells and was subsequently replaced by Dan Melvin.

Mark Sandhu wanted to have a bowl first, at 12:55pm Noel Johnston and Mark ‘Boss’ Hodges had their pads on. I’ll let you connect the dots.

Some late morning rain and the humidity meant that some swing was likely early on. Their opening bowler coming up the hill did just that. Noel and Boss negotiated him well and were both looking good until Noel got out to a delivery he couldn’t do much about. A full toss on his legs that he hit straight to square leg. Ben Johnston came to the crease and looked his usual self, cover driving well and picking the gaps. He fell to a yorker for a well made 25. Up next was Charlie Luxton who was on the receiving end of a bit of sledging. According to the Farningham players, Luxton’s shirt is a bit too small for him and he needs to stop purchasing clothes from the kids section on Gray Nichols website. Luxton, actually took great compliment to this form of sledging and stated that he was “already wearing a large”. Now, I’m not a fashion designer, but I have heard of a size which I think is commonly known as extra large. Anyway, Charlie Schwarzenegger, then began punishing the bowlers, hitting the ball powerfully through the V as he does. He was racing towards 50 in next to no time, striking at 200, but similar to Benj fell just as he was looking like making a big score. As he walked off he was heard muttering “I think I left 250 out there”. I would agree after seeing he finished on 47 from just 26 deliveries.

Joe ‘21 questions’ Griffin joined Boss at the crease. Fresh off the plane from Tasmania, he was certainly jet lagged, but those in the pavilion were eager to witness what our latest Australian import would bring to the party. Turns out, not a lot as he was bowled for 5. I’m sure he’ll come good in future weeks once he’s adjusted to the time zone he’s in. Dave Charlton was in at 6 and started well, taking us through to the 2nd drinks break at 170 - 4 as we headed into the last 10 overs. Boss and DC then began to accelerate well, with Boss, in particular playing some fantastic shots down the ground. DC was stumped for a well made 23. Mark Sandhu then strolled out the crease. Up to this point, Sandhu had failed to mention to anyone he was apparently suffering from heatstroke and not feeling too well. I’d like to go on record and state the fact that he was at Edgbaston the day before and sunk 15 pints had absolutely nothing to do with his frail condition. Sandhu played some good shots and looked good before getting out cheaply for 5.

Miles Henslow was in at 8 and does what he does best. He flashed his watch whilst wearing pink shorts and loafers. Boss was still going strong at this point and looked set to take us through to the end when he was given out caught behind off his pad for an excellent 47. Meanwhile, Henslow was hitting some big blows over the pavilion when, all of a sudden, completely out of his nature, he charged at the bowler and was out caught. Dave Shutt and Alex Lush were together for the last few overs. They began smashing the ball to all parts, laying bat on everything and hitting boundary after boundary after boundary. Not a single shot was mistimed, both consistently finding the middle of the bat. It was almost a carbon copy of Benj and Charlie’s partnership against Bidborough earlier this season. We finished on a par score of 237 with Shuttsy 7* off 17 and Lushy 8* off 15.

DISCLAIMER: This match report contains absolutely no personal bias.

The tea break was largely made up of watching the ashes as well as Noel and Benj pining for a bit of sponge. It’s the first time I’ve heard these two asking for a sponge outside of the showers.

Luxton (6.3 - 2 - 26 - 1) and Lushy (9 - 1 - 30 - 3) took the new ball and did what they’ve done all season. Tie the opening bats down, Lushy reaps the rewards and Luxton definitely doesn’t mention his shoulder. Lushy bowled their opening bat through the gate to give us the breakthrough in the 3rd over to leave them 1 -1 after 3 overs. Similar to Benj in last week’s match report, I find myself in a situation not knowing how to describe what occurred next. Unfortunately, it wasn’t another public display of nudity, in this case, it was the innings of Farningham’s number 3 batsman. To put it simply, he was an idiot. He shuffled up and down the crease non-stop or side to side and either tried to smash it to cow corner or reverse scoop it over the slip corden,despite there being a 3rd man. It was the strangest batting technique I have ever seen. He made Steve Smith look orthodox. Once we knew what he was trying to do it was a matter of time before we got him out. A slower ball from Lushy did for him and left him trapped him in front for the most disgusting 23 runs I have ever seen scored from a number 3 batsman. If anyone is still unsure about my feelings towards this batsman I’ll be happy to write an epilogue just on his innings.

Prior to all this there was a misfield from Joe where he attempted a one handed pick up. This prompted a couple of those close to him to suggest the Green isn’t a carpet and it’s best to just get your body behind it. I suggested to keep it simple and get a long barrier in. To which Joe responded, “what’s a long barrier?”. This wasn’t even close to his most stupid question of the day and I’m going to go off on a tangent to reveal some of his others:

“Oi Noel, what’s the farming like around here?”
“When these wickets get wet do they get muddy?”
“What wild animals do you have over here?”

Stay tuned next week for hopefully another episode of Joey’s stupid questions.

Back to the cricket, Sandhu (9 - 0 - 41 - 5) replaced Luxton up the hill and swung the ball away excellently and looks to be hitting his best form with the ball. He followed his 4fer last week with a 5fer this week. The stand out wicket would be an absolute screamer of a catch from Noel. A half volley from Sandhu which their bat slapped straight to extra cover, where Noel was knocked off his feet but gobbled it up fantastically. Catch of the season so far! Farningham never seemed like chasing it down, or even wanting to chase it down. By the time, they were 6/7 down they were batting for bonus points. Benj (9 - 0 - 29 - 1) bowled a disciplined spell down the hill and it was the most control I’ve seen from him so far this season. Dan Melvin (3 - 0 - 27 - 0) was given his first overs in 1st XI cricket from the other the end. It was a mixed bag with some good balls mixed in with some not-so-good balls. Luxton and Lush came back on and cleaned up the tail. Farningham were all out for 153.

Another great team performance to make it 3 wins on the bounce as we stay top of the league. Two big games to come where we face stronger opposition in the face of Marden on the green next week, followed by Eynsford away. 5 wins from 6 this season, can’t ask for a much better start than that!

Cheers,

Lushy