Sunday XI Friendly v Loose

The first game of the shortened Covid Season for the Sunday Squad, lead by their new skipper Alex Lush! With a recently achieved 2:2 in Classical Movement and Interpretive Dance of the 1860s from the University of Hull, he will be a natural to the role.

In conditions reminiscent of the Allied Summer 1916 Somme offensive, Bearsted elected to bat on what was undoubtedly a bowler’s No Man’s Land. Gareth Oakland and Christian Roberts saw off the first few salvos, with Gareth playing a beautifully timed and sublimely composed upper cut/top edge ( delete as appropriate) over backward point for four, which got him promoted to Lt Colonel. He subsequently dollied one to Point and was court marshalled. The Captain then sent in the Heavy armour division in the form of Jonny Haggart, who as part of a diversion tactic, hit it straight to Mid on for very few. Benj Johnston was in at four, and deliberately didn’t time a ball for his entire innings in order to help Christian look in good nick. Roberts played some excellent cricket shots, making a sublime 50 in good time and showing his real class. By this point, Loose had bought in their reserve Batallions and some real grenades were being thrown from the White Horse End. Roberts eventually fell in the 60s from exhaustion.

All the while Johnston trudged to a scrappy 78, and Keith arrived to give the 2nd change bowlers a final artillery bombardment. He made a valiant 45 against some skiddy bowling in the late stages of the innings, dispatching the ball to all areas of the battlefield. By the time Bearsted had reached their 36 over objective, they had gained 235 for the loss of 5 men.

After taking on board some fuel, equipment and re-engaging supply lines, Loose decided to counter attack. Early Bearsted Reconnaissance suggested that Loose had weak firepower and morale was low.

Lieutenant Harry Slevin and Captain Alex Lush were quick to take up defensive positions, and were able to mow down the top order for not very many. Pockets of resistance from the Loose Garrison was futile, and it wasn’t long before numbers 4 and 5 were overwhelmed.

The top brass at this point elected to bring in a Staff Officer, General Patton. Bowling from the Oak on the green End, General Patton lured the enemy into a false sense of security by bowling total drivel, before picking off the Loose batsmen in rapid succession. 1 fell. 2 fell. 3 fell. 4 fell. And then a fifth. The Loose guns at this point fell silent. Astounded by the forward thinking of General Patton, the rest of the Loose defence collapsed. 109 were made for the loss of 10 men.

Patton was declared Supreme Allied Commander, and Lt Colonel Gareth Oakland was mentioned in Despatches for a catch of heroic bravery at Mid off to seal the game.

Congrats to all who played, a more rounded unit you could not wish to find.

- Second Lieutenant Benj Johnston.