2s win at Horsmonden

2020 has been a year that will feature heavily in the history books.  But perhaps the memorable day of the year, and one that will puzzle future academics, will be Saturday 29 August 2020.

Indeed those who were there to witness it will count themselves blessed as they can relate the story to their grandchildren.  People may scoff and doubt them but this reporter can confirm the veracity of the remarkable incident. Yes, Tim Croom won the toss in a competitive game.

It may have been the shock of seeing part of his nose still embedded in the wicket from his last visit here but, unbelievably, our leader called correctly.

It took him a while to realise that having won the toss you actually need to decide what to do.  But he eventually opted to bowl first on what looked a sticky wicket.

Horsmonden have good covers but confusion over the drainage pipes meant that there were two large damp patches on the edge of the strip.

With our skipper finally having got his selection policy right we featured a much stronger team than usual (Editor’s note - we were desperately short with people on holiday and had to resort to picking the obnoxious match reporter).

Slevin was asked to open the bowling.  His unerring accuracy is legendary.  Well, normally. His first ball was leg side and wildly over pitched.  The young opening bat swivelled and despatched the ball a country mile behind square.  We all immediately had images of chasing a massive total.

That though, was the high point of the Horsmonden innings.  The pitch was as tricky as we thought it might be.  Slevin quickly found his line and length.

From the other end Feehan was also bowling well and causing troubles for the batsmen.  One delivery found an edge and went through at a comfortable height to Tom Mullins behind the stumps.  He promptly dropped it.  Whether it was the fierce patriarchal mien of the umpire or the incessant drivel being spouted into his right ear by Skinner at first slip, he did not have a good afternoon with the gloves.

The bowlers realised that they needed to hit the stumps and Slevin promptly did that.

A good length delivery cut back and clipped the off stump. His very next ball was much the same and hit leg stump.

With a hat trick delivery the fielders crowded the bat.  Well, all except Patton whose idea of silly mid on is moving two inches closer than he was at mid on.  To be fair to Patton, he was the pick of our fielders throwing himself around with gay abandon. Indeed one sliding dive caused some embarrassment to Leo Charlton who shortly beforehand had failed to make as much of an effort.

Slevin bowled really well until nearing the end of his fifth over, when in an unsubtle reminder to the skipper that he only likes to bowl 5, threw down a couple of long hops.  He finished with fine figures of 5-3-2-13.

Feehan, who has a lot more stamina than the younger Slevin, kept going and finished with figures of 9-1-2-19.  One was clean bowled and one fell to a catch that looped to Latter in the gully.

Luxton replaced Slevin and looked sharp. In his 6 overs he jagged several balls back off the seam and took two wickets for 18 runs.  One dismissal was a classic.  He had got one to pop up off a good length which worried the batsman.  Showing intelligence and wisdom beyond his years, and frankly his gene pool, he followed up with a fast straight full length ball that clean bowled the batsman.

Latter replaced Feehan and started with a horrible wide.  Like others though, he improved and eventually got rid of their talented opener.  He finished with figures of 4.1–0-15-3.  He would have done better but was unlucky with one inside edge onto the batsman’s pads that changed direction again and went past a statuesque keeper and first slip.

At one point young Slevin had enough of the mickey taking from your match reporter and told him to “shut up”.   Brave words.  And perhaps foolish, especially as now seems an opportune moment to relate that the useless gobby git then dropped a catch at midwicket.

Having lost their 4 young top order batsman Horsmonden seemed to lose a bit of heart and did not apply themselves as much as was needed on the wicket.

A run out helped, with a fine throw in from Luxton.  Certainly much finer than his previous effort which went miles over the stumps. Leo Charlton bowled tidily and only conceded 6 runs off his three overs.

Horsmonden were all out for 77.

Croom opened with Leo Charlton.  Both looked comfortable despite the wicket. Charlton pulled a short ball for 4 that kept dangerously low.  Croom at the other end commented to the umpire that you needed to watch those short balls.  Shortly afterwards he went back to a short ball.  It did not get off the ground and he was bowled for 16.
 
Charlton who had looked correct but perhaps a little careful, suddenly realised that his parents had arrived to watch him.  Deciding to put in a bit of effort for once, he hit an absolutely glorious cover drive.  Bearing in mind the outfield was very sticky and not much was going for 4, this shot rocketed to the boundary.  So lovely was the shot we would advise having a box of Andrex close to hand when thinking about it.
Latter came in at 3 and, as ever, was calmness personified.

Charlton eventually was bowled for 26 missing a full toss.  As usual, it was the rubbish ball that got the wicket.

Filmer came in at 4.  Realising that a win was important, but that protecting his average was more important, he did absolutely nothing of note and let Latter do all the work.  The latter, Latter, ended 29 not out.  Filmer did not score a run but celebrated wildly that there was another not out asterisk in the score book.

A good win by 8 wickets